Sweet 18

Writing. The action of leaving creativity fill the letter’s shape and allowing the letter to catch meaning. It`s a liberation of the inner space and it fulfills  the outer one. It captures thoughts, in the form of ink or megabytes, which find the ideal external memory to support them.

I can’t remember much of my childhood. This is due largely to the fact that I haven’t kept anything from that time to remind me of it – besides the mirror in the hallway, which has witnessed it all. I can say that I am rather forgetful and that that is not because I am a thick head – but because of my simple need for space. Space for thinking. 

I’ve always longed for space – it’s all too necessary for my development. That is why I don’t retain past memories, secrets or birthdays, even though people often confide in me with these details.

It was one summer, two years ago, that I happened to start writing. I can’t remember what day it was; however I can easily connect to the feeling that I had when I barged in my room and I started typing. It was anger. It was also disappointment, sadness and helplessness. I’ve just had a fight with my dad. In my mind, the spoken words had a heavier load than they should have carried. That was the night in which I created my personal blog, 9seara.

My rhymes weren’t phenomenal and my rhythm was quite simple and ordinary. The stances were too personal, yet I chose to believe that somewhere, someone might feel the same. “Maybe there is somebody out there that struggles with self esteem as well”, I thought. And I decided to continue.

Writing has become a form of liberation for me – that is why I try to record my emotions and experiences daily.

For me, just in a short term, writing improves my mental state because I can offer myself the opportunity of finding out what goes on in my head – this helps me to bring order in the chaos that builds up periodically. The morale goes up, and the mind is rested. The free space is now available – I can create, I can think and I can dream freely.

In the long term, writing improved my personal style and opened up my curiosity towards new and more suggestive words. It also helped in strengthening my memory and structuring the stored data in my mind. Without forcing myself into it, I`ve gained freedom of thought and I`ve become more calm and open towards exploring my own territory and the new possibilities within.

I feel confident while talking about this because I felt the peace that writing brings to me, even in the midst of the most overwhelming moods.

The simplest and most efficient writing exercise is free flow. This technique is being used frequently by contemporary authors and artists. In addition, it has been used in modern literature by great authors such as Virginia Woolf or James Joyce, who did not waste their time placing commas or using capital letters! Their style has been defined by the free flow of the thought, which has been laid out on paper without hesitation – driven by an impulse of honesty.

This direct style can grow from describing my surroundings and it can end up with a contemplation on my personal purpose in life. The process can be filled with anger, with despair or it can be relaxing, comforting even. It can last up to three hours or three minutes – anyway, when I let it flow it’s almost impossible for me to stop in a short time. It is about freedom. There’s no need for a correct use of grammar, or even for coherence! It’s all about the expression, liberation and clearing of the space that I live in – it is a personal ritual, I`ll say.

Similar to a spring cleanup, I believe mental hygiene ensures relief of the heavy load that  we all carry each day, regardless of age, gender or temper – there are our own duties and responsibilities. If I feel like I can’t breathe, I allow myself a breath of air – and I write about that, about myself.

That’s how I gained more self confidence. By putting my ideas in order on paper I found myself to be able to think more clearly and create more easily. The only nudge that I found that I need is to allow myself to spend time in my complete and personal intimacy, and also to acknowledge that, eventually, those interior demons are only shadows that I can tame once I open myself  up with love.

Written by Daria

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